“It’s not really a ranch, really. Like there are no cows. No cowboys. No gunfights.”

— D.M.

“It’s great in the summer if you like eating okra, jalapeno peppers, and black-eyed peas three times a day.”

— M.T.

“Go down 67 until you get to the abandoned canoe rental place. Turn north and keep going. If you pass a gravel strip mine, a church camp straight out of the Twilight Zone, and can see the nuclear power plant off to your left then you’re on the right road.”

— Night Shift Person Answering the Phone at the Somervell County Sheriff’s Office

“A woman over in Basque county died after swimming in the Brazos. She caught some kind of brain eating microbe. Just saying.”

— L.G.

“Holy crap.”

— M.L.

“We would highly recommend the taquitos from the Exxon Stop and Shop in Glen Rose.”

— L.I.

“Every time I went outside I swear I could hear somebody playing the theme from ‘Deliverance.”

— S.L.